subconscious

got myself asking what exactly i'm working for. what exactly do i want? what exactly do i like? who exactly am i?

i think i have a problem with myself. what i usually like, other than it being opposite of my rationals and principles, most of the time, it will only be a 'one-sided love' or a 'three-minute flame'
sad eh.
not sure if it is really such the case or that i'm paranoid.
i just don't know why whenever i work hard, give in, and sacrifice for my certain goal, the other party/goal is like an iceberg, cold and untouchable.
so it's really pretty disappointing.
am i that irritating? am i that hateful?
i guess so.
and for those that i'm pursuing, are those really what i desire, or are those just effects of my imagination and subconscious?
okay this is getting more and more out of hand. i should stop.
bye.