enlighten

some people say that you wouldn't know what you want until the last point of time or when you actually did something unknowingly. 

and i guess that's it.

i actually realised that i've done something unknowingly and uncontrollably today, which i guess is due to my true desire that i thought was over long ago.

however, even such, i'm still hesitating if that is my heart's wish or my subconscious playing tricks. like you know, the longing for something just because you can't get it. i hate that shit. it just messes my feelings and life.

i want to know my true desire.

i'm crazy.