Gabriel

Have you ever lose trail in a person's words, just drifting away and being caught up with every detail of him/her? Trying to lock in all that you see and making sure that's the last thing you'd forget?

--- Take a turn back ---

Fidgeting among the sale products, I kept a lookout for him. Half excited, half numb.
"Don't hold your hopes anywhere near high Erika, he may be like them, leaving after sampling."
I reinforced to keep myself clear not to be trapped, and be cool about all odds.
Probably a mixture of pride of not wanting myself to yet again fall into the state of getting all affected by rejections.
He smiled so genuinely, eyes fixated and beamed. He went on telling me about himself, stories, jokes and all, with some being pretty turn-off for a first date. But he was so enthusiastic and natural, while I had all my defenses up around that tiny fearful heart. He thought things were all going well, yet I was already overwhelmed.
He was the sun and I was a thunderstorm, we shouldn't even cross paths. I couldn't handle his brightness; He didn't deserve to be drowned in my darkness.
Or so that was what I thought.
I eventually pushed him away.

He was bold. Stood by me despite his wounded heart. By then, he was someone I didn't have to pretend around since I had nothing to lose.
It came unexpected.
Relaxed in the moonlight seated side by side, he had his guitar which he played beautifully and perfected with his voice. He was just being him, and I was just being me. I let the music fill my world, eased the tension, and faced the fragments I thought I hid so deeply.
I lost it.
It was as though he could see right through my soul. He held me in his arms where his warmth assured support. He was silent, but deafening was the retreat of my tides.
I don't want to ever let go of his hug.

--- ---

We do fight or get dissed with each other. But never once I didn't feel my heart tear because I got mad at him. It pains me to flame him.
What I really admire about him is that no matter what happens, he never hides his love. He is so courageous, humble, and earnest. He speaks what he feels, and not afraid to feel. I may be tough and rough, but often entangled in dilemma and uncertainties. His boldness and openness keep me in check, showing me constant examples on how I can improve.

With all the time left, I want to learn every part of him.

Thank you Gabriel, I love you.