Maple leaves

The sky was clear.
I stood at that familiar spot, that tile of comfort.
Took in a deep breath, thank goodness the haze was absent.
I wanted to sleep, to just rest. My eyes were blank but it felt like fireworks whenever I shut em. Fatigue. Confusion.
It's alright, he's still awake anyway.
Thoughts began to set in. Vivid and heavy.

How much do I love him?
How much am I willing to let go or take in, because of him?

My eyebrows twitched as my brain started to flood.

I discovered the tremendous depth of affection I have for him as I realized

I begin to fall for the music he listens to
I pay attention to football because he likes it (my least favourite sport before I knew him)
I focus on guitar solos in music because plays it
I think about buying him stuff when I'm out (I dislike spending money ffs)
I picture living life together as a couple but I've always wanted to live alone
I started being careful so that he won't worry
I would rather be with him than rush home even if it's late
I am interested in the topics he talks about even if it was unheard of to me
I become clingy and needy, yet I was never so before and never to anyone else
I am tolerant to him showing factors I detest
I regularly mention him in front of my friends unintentionally
I am afraid to lose him
I talk about "we" rather than "me"
I show him parts of me that I hate people to know/see.
I feel worse than shit when he gets upset due to me
I find it worth it to give
I long for his understanding and approval
I get breathless after every bicker
I struggle with my inner self of transition to being his girlfriend
I'd rather be the one hurt and left behind if we ever part (touch all the damn wood)
I asked myself whether I would still love him if he no longer feels the same, and the answer is with every heartbeat.


He fell asleep. Darkness fell in.